Submitted by throwRAwiscon t3_11t1vv8 in relationship_advice
Is there a term for this? Or a way to address it properly? And how do I keep calm during?
Sometimes in a fight my boyfriend will lunge at me/pretend to hit me, in that moment he doesn’t actually do it but he is visually/physically threatening to so in that split second I will defend myself and either push him or hit him away. He then has the upper hand in the fight because I was the one who made contact first. It’s always in a split second and is always a immediate unconscious reaction on my part.
Along the same lines, if we’re in the car and we’re fighting and I’m not backing down, he’ll swerve the car or break check to scare me. This spikes my anxiety and I hit his arm and scream at him. He then goes off about how I yelled and hit him and he didn’t do anything wrong. We’ve been together for 5 years but this is just within the last 2.
I’m not purposefully hitting him to hurt him. I’m just scared in that moment. Am I the one who needs to better control their emotions? Is there a way to fix this?