Submitted by Stream_of_light_8 t3_11420a7 in relationship_advice
My (39F) partner (38M) wants me to rule out ever living overseas again. Is that reasonable?
We’ve been together about 7 months and things are pretty good. He’s more conservative in many ways than I am, but we’re not super far apart on values. We are both at the age that we’re pretty seriously looking for someone to start a family with.
I now work in the private sector, but have previously worked in government and international development. I’m quite happy in my work, and I have a mortgage and an elderly cat, so I’m not looking to move city or country any time soon, but given my background, if I had the opportunity to take an awesome well-paid job abroad I’d seriously consider it.
My partner wants me to rule out ever living anywhere else (besides the city we are in) ever again. He says the idea that I would even consider asking him and any hypothetical children to move is wrong and he would “never ask it of me”. He says the disruption to children would cause trauma.
While moving would be disruptive, I have friends living all over the world with families of different ages and their kiddos are growing up to be well adjusted and open minded little people. I think for the right kid, at the right time, it could actually be an amazing experience. It’s all about how the parents handle it.
And again, this is all purely hypothetical. There is no move imminent and there may never be the opportunity (I’m not looking for one). There are no kids yet. And who knows what constraints might be with aging parents etc that would prevent it ever being an option on the table.
Anyway, he says that if I can’t promise to completely rule it out, it breaches his boundaries and he’s ending things.
I’ve said I’m happy to talk about it, I hear his concerns but I can’t give in to that ultimatum and can’t be with him if he can’t at least keep an open mind. The fact that he can’t even keep an open mind to my perspective (given our different experiences - he has not travelled much), is a red flag.
I am leaning towards us just being a bad fit. But that sucks because he really is a lovely person and there’s great chemistry and, apart from this issue, alignment about future plans.
Is there hope to negotiate this?