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The past is the present waiting to become the future. All three of these exist simultaneously. The human mind is only capable of perceiving the present.

Sometimes I feel guilty even for feeling guilty

I am fo reeeal

Safety not guaranteed

And people say Tumblr only has three jokes...

Imagine paying for an ad, just to have someone black out the necessary contact information.

Sounds like the advertisement from Heinlien’s book Glory Road.

& two broken arms

She has one kid and he's 17

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Took me months to get use to working out in the AM once I had kids. Shit is hard.

Exactly. If you don't make gym a regular thing you won't regret it as much when you don't go.

Our office cofeemaker has 2 burners for pots. Inevitably, when I want a cup, there is one empty pot and somebody has just started brewing another.

Fairly often, I wait until the newish pot has enough for a cup, then switch it quickly with the empty pot on the second burner.

I refer to this as "temple of dooming"

Yeah to add on to this. I think an ad in a newspaper might have started this..I think in the 90s

Let me help you out... It's from an ad in 1997

Yes.

Travelling backwards in time is impossible due to causality.

Travelling forwards in time relative to now is possible due to time dilation from increased speed + distance from Earth.

Or you could just freeze yourself in the snow and wake up in 2546 and become the time child.

I'm not sure it does nothing. At the very least it reminds you not to do that thing ever again

It's rubbing it's nipple.

Stole its nuts, did you?

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I had those striped pants in 1970. Bell bottoms. Loved them

Ernest Shackleton advertised for a crew sailing to the Antarctic telling them to expect to not come back. Their ship was frozen into the ice for more than two years and he brought his entire crew home alive.

John Titor?

...I'm guessing in his other paw the squirrel is holding OP's beer...